I was browsing my Facebook the other day when I got tangled in a long thread of comments from friends on an issue some of us just love to talk about—letting go of your ex (or how to survive a break-up if ever you get the guts to do it). The problem is, we go gaga talking about it like it’s a major, major social issue but that’s just it. All talk, no action. In other words, we just have some kind of pep talk summed up as “go girl, you can do it” or “the hell, I’m gonna do it this time.” And then at the next party, here we go with some more blah blah about the same guy and same problem.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m like in a cloud right now and happy like an angel with no intention to let go of my harp. I've been down there though…that lonely place where you know “you gotta let go, girl, you have to freakin’ let go.” And I have some friends do that successfully too. It would be a disservice not to write a post about something we can brag about like it gives the same honor as graduating from the Philippine Military Academy.
Here are some tried and tested ways to let go of someone and get your act together:
(Disclaimer: This post does not tell you how to break up with your guy, you do your thing with that. Think: there are one hundred ways to skin a cat.)
Total Hardware and Software Reformat
These days, saying “you are in my heart” is a serious understatement. He is so all over your place that throwing away his mug on your desk or his pillow from your bed is really the easiest thing you can do. Your ex is actually everywhere virtual and real: in your digital cam (with his own neat folder), cellular phone (wallpaper, phone book and call logs), laptop (wallpaper, My Documents), email, Facebook, Twitter, Photo Bucket, YM, Skype, and even History (yes, the Y8 and Red Tube bookmarks are his, too). If you are really serious to let go, everything must GO. Don’t cheat, you either ask your friends never to give you his number even if you beg and bribe or you delete the number yourself from their phones. Never mind that these will take so much time and effort. This is what they call burning your bridges. (No, do not burn your photos to a CD if you want this to work).
Total One-Time Breakdown
A friend once confessed that this is also an effective getting-over-you technique and I agree with her. This is not for the faint of heart (please proceed with caution!) and it can be done only if you don’t have any way to contact him. Break down once and for all: stay indoors, watch sad or funny romantic movies (try “500 Days of Summer”), call up friends even at 2 a.m. and listen to mushy love songs. Grieve like hell is breaking lose just to get it over with. It's like you are having diarrhea and you’re not taking loperamide. You’re just letting it out of your system. Do this for a month or two and then move on. (Don’t forget to drink lots of water too. I have not heard of dehydration caused by crying day and night but water is much better than alcohol. You don’t want to graduate from a 3-step heartbreak treatment just to enroll in a 12-step Al Anon program.)
Total Lifestyle Make Over
You don’t want to get weepy every time you pass by your dating destinations. Go take another route or a hobby. You want to go radical? Sign up for aerobics class and gym or mountain climbing. I promise, you will be so tired when you get home you won’t be able to go psycho torturing yourself with how and where he is and if he’s okay. Buy a new gadget, something you just have to use because you don’t want to feel bad spending too much money on it. While you’re at it, go get a facial, hair rebond, shiatsu and, yes definitely go shopping. The point is, spend that money and use your time so you won’t be tempted to stalk him or hang out with his friends (for a chance to meet him again).
I know, I am hardly an expert on relationships. No ma’am, I am not a psychologist nor a counselor. I used to read tons of research on this stuff in my previous job. Consider that some sort of a credential. For someone at 43 and single, I am quite confident with what I am talking about and just too happy to share these tips like I will never ever need them again.
Photo courtesy of Gone Hikin'.