2.11.2011

Ain't Nothing Like the Real Deal

"So far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?" 
says a Seventies song about people going places and lovers not being in the same place at the same time (yes, long distance relationship). You would think nobody's complaining these days, having Twitter, FB, Skype and texting to reach out and touch someone virtually. Nothing has changed much actually, we're just more equipped today to be far from home and each other. You can't blame me if I feel some stirring in my gut when Carole King sings this song with her usual as-raw-as-life voice.

I was born in this island, I grew up and studied in my father’s hometown up North, worked for 10+ years in the capital, and now living in this city. Imagine how many encounters along the way! (Think six degrees of separation) I have sisters in UAE, another in a distant province (same country), and somebody extra-super-special in another country.  I sure know what I'm talking about.



If you're whining about not seeing your hubby anymore because you're on different shifts, I'll take that please. No, not your life, of course, because I truly love mine in spite the quirks, twists and turns (I do have explosively superb days and nuclear-warm nights). All I'm saying is that I'll fantasize on that for now: having scheduling problems.

Ah! How nice to have Post-Its on the fridge instead of offline messages and emails. Even Mark Zuckerberg's Wall can't give us as much. At least, there is a chance for us to bump into each other somewhere before I go to bed in pajamas and he goes to work in a nice suit. A million kissing emoticons populating my Yahoo Messenger window does not make one real, half-second peck on real lips. I'll take quick-smooch-over-almost-closed-car-window any time of the day. (Okay, I know you can tell by now why I am not into cybersex--a topic that deserves its own post).



Don't look away and roll your eyes thinking here is a girl bitching about not chatting with BF for the last 12 hours. I haven't told you yet about my niece's birthday last week. I had to make a three-minute video so the whole family can sing "happy birthday" live. My eight-year-old son made me feel guilty for not getting a cake with a candle. We had to go to Jollibee for a choco sundae just to get the feel of it because the celebrant was in a semi-desert land in another continent so far away.

The last time my sister went back to the Middle East, I still felt moderate separation anxiety (her daily online presence doesn't help). You know that feeling of panic that strikes you on the way to the airport? Did we drink enough coffee, see enough movies, and gossip about as many people as we can during the short stay? Funny how we had a last-minute family meeting in the taxi while the driver pretended not to hear anything. Being apart for so long does that. When you're together, all you want to do is hang out and just have fun. Never mind the unresolved issues...there's email anyway.

For long distance relationship with friends, it's the same feeling. Thank goodness for Facebook, Skype and YM. These apps have certainly improved our socializing up a notch. It's so much easier to get online and chat than dining out or traveling but, frankly speaking, daily priorities are like sophisticated software popping out and blocking us from spending quality time with friends online. You know what I mean. Have you ever seen a dear, dear friend get online but you didn't even say "hi"? What if you see her at the mall? You will forget shopping to have coffee and talk with best friend. For sure. That's what a real deal does to us--it compels us to forget priorities sometimes and it's okay.

Even blogging does not fill the void a long distance relationship creates. Think of this as having coffee together (hence, the theme of the blog site) at the end of the day or week. The problem is, it's just me blabbering. No eye contact. No laughing out loud with head thrown back for real. No passersby eyeing us and wondering if we had rum in our cups. No indefinite extensions (like "I'm just dropping by but I can stay for dinner").

I hope I don't sound hateful for having loved ones not within one million miles radius. Some days we feel this way...people with loved ones who are far away.  All I am saying is that, as the song goes:
"If I could only work this life out my way, I'd rather spend it bein' close to you"
"It would be so fine to see your face at my door." 

Until that time comes, I'll be just right here blogging and taking comfort in the thought that, depending on your online status and our Internet connection, you're just one click away from me.

9 comments:

  1. very well said..and very real.
    i remember crying over my brothers trip for 'home' 7 years ago-i became so irrational that i can not move on from that very short Christmas vacation in Manila with my family,and with us is my closest sibling..my brother who needs to go home as soon as possible for some commitments.I was out of school then and so i have to stay until summer.Though my sisters were still with me but the thought of being away from a dear one really scared me that time.The long hours talking..everything,every activity possible while the family is intact are the best moments.And now,he has to GO which means we are one less bonded.Yes i cried that night.I just hate being far from a loved one... end of the story.
    I guess i will never ever as much as possible get involve or perhaps be in a love relationship with someone who can not stay with me in one place.Same place or nothing at all!

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  2. nice once sistah!!!!, just now, zhoey had a quick call to her dad..who's miles away from her., thanking him for the gift...cost roughly 300 USD, she bugged him alot for it..which is initially an aid to her plan of coming home to Phils....last sunday. YES, it was her ultimate wish to blow the candles along with her cousins. Good thing she was able understand the situation. And is now looking forward to spend summer back home.

    At a very early age, she has so much experience of being FAR away from LOVED ones. and whenever i asked her bout it...She would hug me and say...she misses alot but would sacrifice it all so long as she is with me and her broddy.

    Aghhh, ill never trade a fortune over my KIDS..being far away from them would be like HELL. Even ill be the poorest among the poor, pnaka balyena among balyena. The essence of living this life for me is THEM. Ill gamble upto the last fil-centavo not to be distant from Z & J

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  3. It was in the year 2004 when unlimited calls and short messaging messages gave a big hit and gave a big impact to the market especially for the people who had family, friends, relatives and lovers who were miles apart from them. I fore one could relate to this because i was able to try different network subscribers who were offering unlimited offers for calls and texts (i.e SUN, GLOBE, SMART, and TOUCH Mobile). I remember I had my post paid plan was due for disconnection right after my bill exceeded its plan. I started then to shift to prepaid SIM. It was cheaper though you needed to recharge after you have no sufficient load.

    It really did not matter for me at that time the money spent for the load. What matters to me was I had the chance to communicate with my boyfriend and checked on him how things are going on his everyday life. Even stupid and nonsense conversations as long as we communicated every single day of our lives.

    I could say it was the best long distance relationship because we were able to hold on and made our love stronger although we were miles apart. we see to it that things were okay at the very end of the day.

    By the way, I met him seven years ago, my boyfriend and now my husband.

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  4. Okei...i once involve in a long distance relationship.I must admit it lasted 4 years,four years of trust vs doubt.Years of kiss and make up via a cellular phone huh.Long hours of texting,took advantage of "limited"-unlimited calls and over a cellphone explanation..how sorry i was not able to mention my girls night out.
    And then what, i met this guy,flesh and bone not my type of guy but stands by me at the right time when i need someone to talk to.Oh yes,i needed an eye contact for goodness sake.
    Presently,I'm an ex-married/separated to the flesh and bone guy..we were couples for three tough long years...funny.

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  5. Take me along
    I don't care where you have gone
    And I don't have to know
    Exactly where you're going

    If you leave me behind
    Then everything on your mind
    Will turn to pictures of the word
    We might have been
    Chorus:
    People alone may go very fast
    But maybe not so far
    Playing along is still solitaire...
    Remember
    People alone may reach for a love
    But only half as well
    People alone may seem satisfied
    How can they tell?

    If we are crossing the line
    Where there's no yours and no mine
    We'll find it easy to see
    People should be together

    People alone may go very fast
    But maybe not so far
    Playing along is still solitaire...
    Remember
    People alone may reach for a love
    But only half as well
    People alone may seem satisfied
    How can they tell?

    Take me along
    Let's not be people alone
    I'm on your mind
    So please don't leave me behind
    Crossing the line
    Where there's no yours and no mine

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  6. indeed... nothing like the real deal!

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  7. @Jopals, I forgive you for copying and pasting a song as your comment.

    I am pretty and am sure that you're the guy from Malta.

    Just hang on there, Jopal, soon you're going home.

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  8. Unless there should be an end to being far away from each other, long distance relationships in my opinion don't work. Sorry. Put the technology there, it may help but it simply isn't enough. It may even fuel too much expectation and bring disappointment to both persons. Changes happen without being seen on cam or heard over the phone.

    I say it again, unless there is a plan to stop the LDR, it usually never works. Humans are by nature social and physical beings, there is a need to constantly stay in physical contact with a loved-one.

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  9. @mutch, well said. LDR should be a temporary status, not for the long term. If ever it works for some people, either they are just too damn lucky or too much in love to be able work out the distance between them.

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